on October 25, 2015
It’s been almost nine years since I’ve moved to California. I’ve gone from escaping a terrible relationship to building myself as a freelance model, to working at an advertising agency and now working in the non-profit world while doing photography.
In case you haven’t read my about me section, I moved to California to escape a relationship that really broke me and made me feel like I couldn’t be the model I’ve always wanted to be. I felt so ugly inside and out. I felt trapped in my own mind. I went through the motions of “Who am I?” Many of us go through those trials of asking “Who am I to own my own business?” “Who am I to dream?” We silence ourselves, our dreams, our own thoughts and emotions and that’s downright – not cool.
I’ve been blessed with much heartache since that relationship. Yes, blessed. I’ve been forced to refocus myself after each break up. We often lose the person we are when we give 100% of ourselves to another. I believe there is a way for two people to come together and share their lives, goals, and passions together but still keep their individuality. That is the 100% commitment. After all these years of relationships where I gave 100% and dreamed of the white picket fence, further education, children…the works; and all of this to happen before the age of thirty.
I turned thirty a month ago and all that I’ve built my life to be by thirty did not happen and that’s okay. The thought of being married and having children is a great feeling but when you’re an artist wanting to explore the world, you’ve got some major thinking to do and maybe adding other souls to that goal wouldn’t work.
The white picket fence almost happened for me and then it was quickly snatched away. I often question my faith when this happens because I’ve meditated and prayed over Psalm 37:4 daily and yet, I’m not married with kids, with the white picket fence. However, I sometimes sit back and think, “What’s important to me?”
I love kids but I feel like I have so much to live for and so much to do in my life before I think of having children. I’m also a neat freak. How will I treat life with messy walls and dishes? I love the idea of marriage, seeing the same person day and night…etc…but I also enjoy my solitude. (The reason I don’t have roommates) White picket fence? More like a shabby chic rusted fence… I love small spaces…I dream of owning a bungalow in Eagle Rock, CA one day with a little garden and farm. I have never thought of how a husband and a child or two would look in there. I’ve thought as far as the decor, the fruits and vegetables I will plant, a mix of brick wall, flowers, and greenery for photoshoots and small gatherings, and a dog door for my dog, Nugget. Maybe a cat too.
What is important to me is women creating. Women overcoming obstacles and being amazing. Women who can speak to nations, like Malala Yousafzai. Women who stand for what they believe in. Women who say no with no regrets. I always come across people in my life that tell me to go back to advertising and stop the freelance life. Is advertising my passion? Sure it makes a lot of money but one must live their passion. Advertising is not. However, advertising women entrepreneurs and small business owners have always been a passion for me. So I’m kicking off the age of thirty with living out my passion.
Gloria Steinem once said, “Do more of what you can do uniquely and less of what everyone else can do.” So here it goes, I’m sharing my life, my goals, my passions, the hurt the pain, the ups, the downs, the beauty in the tragedy. Similar to what a lot of other female entrepreneurs go through, the doubts, anxiety and pain which lead them to truly unfolding and becoming successful. I look forward to that transformation. Share your testimony. It is important to live your passion and be transparent. You never know whose life you will be touching, whose passion you are helping to unfold, whose story was buried now resurfaced because you shared your testimony. I’m finally going to write my memoir, “Two Months of Darkness!” (Thanks, Adele.)
I’ve been on a high lately. Here are some lovely things I’ve been working on since I turned thirty. I’ve always wanted to do product photography. So blessed I have a job that allows me to live out my true purpose! I hope you’re living out your passion, too!